Marriage (Love) is the Most Important Thing in Life, alongside faith and food. If you believe in the GOD of the Jewish or Hebrew Bible, then you have to accept that HE started marriage in the Garden of Eden. The LORD GOD said: It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him (Genesis 2:18). Then the LORD GOD made a woman from the rib HE had taken out of the man, and HE brought her to the man (Verse 22). Whoever finds a wife finds something good and has obtained favor from the LORD (Proverbs 18:22). But since sexual immorality is occuring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to the husband (1st Corinthians 7:2-3). Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: ...if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1st Corinthians 7:8-9). Marriage should be honoured by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for GOD will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral (Hebrews 13:4). In Lugbara mythology, ADRO the Supreme Spirit created male-female twins as partners; the first man was Gborogboro while Meme was the mother of all creatures including fraternal twins who also gave birth to twins that produced several generations of twins until hero ancestors Dribidu (buried near Mt. Wati in Terego) and Jaki (buried at Mt. Liru near Maracha). Animals do not get married, but there is a Law for humans that people violate through defilement, rape, fornication, incest, adultery, fantasy lust, masturbation, homosexuality and bestiality. Aje is the traditional Lugbara term used for cultural marriage, introduction, bride exchange or trade between two families...
"Oku Biza" literally translated from Lugbara means "(the Ceremony of) Catching a Woman" though not like the Karamojong (whose marriage culture involves courtship rape); it can also mean Wedding, the modern religious kind which was not originally a culture among the Naked People (term used by foreigners to describe the Lugbara before they left hides and grass to adopt the Whiteman's clothes). The groom is still called izio while bride is arusu or amuru. 21st Century Lugbara are very peaceful and sanctify their relationships in churches or mosques. Marriage is a permanent friendship between a male and female who are not related but gather two families to exchange wealth; oku means woman in Lugbara, plus fittingly also "to gather, collect, etc". For the non Lugbara males interested in any Chandiru, Ayikoru, Efuru, Drajiru, Tabaru, Adroru, Ajidiru, Fetaru, Eturu, Inzikuru, Munduru, Letaru, Eyotaru, Epetiru, Maturu, Alioru, Ocokoru, Asianzuru, Badoru, Ondoru, Ajuru, Draru, Maliru, Orodriru, Ejuru, Ajiru, Oyaru, Asinduru and Amaguru of this world, be informed that brideprice may be a priority in some families. Sometimes, you may actually have to pay at least a cow for each kid your Lugbara partner conceives. Some girls want 21 cows paid for their brideprice yet are willing to conceive only four children and stop; it doesn't work like that. One cow is a basic price for a woman plus any additions. In the very distant past, at a time when tribal warfare characterised Lugbara society, courtship is said to have been impossible. In those days, parents used to arrange marriages for their children. Marriage reservations could be made by the parents even when children were of tender age. When warfare subsided considerably, courtship became possible. The boy's father would transfer bridewealth to the girl's home and thereafter, the couple was customarily married. Divorce was very rare in deed. It could only occur if the woman failed to have children or was found in possession of poisonous charms, if not then any other substance that could be used to kill people...
Muslims (whose main prophet named Muhammad had about 11 women including a 9 year old though spent over two straight decades with only his first wife until she died) are allowed to marry at most four women at the same time as long as they can treat each of them equally; it's next to impossible like Jacob (Yakubu) loved Rachel more than Leah (from Genesis 29 onwards) though bridewealth is any gift the man chooses out of love. Nika(h) is the name of the Muslim marriage contract between a male and consenting female; mahr [gift] is what the groom gives his bride as a symbol of his promise to care and provide for her. The bride's father acts as her wali handing her to the groom in the presence of two grown Muslim men (or one man and two women). The great Madi chief named Ajai (after whom a wildlife game reserve formerly containing white rhinos is named east of Arua City) had 100 wives and some Lugbara men have more than one woman...
Other Lugbara go to Courts of Law to have their marriages legalised in the presence of a few witnesses. Uganda Registration Services Bureau (URSB) officially registers marriages at a fee on behalf of the State...
During the 1960s, John Middleton wrote extensively about "The Lugbara of Uganda". In the Chapter on 'Marriage and Exogamy', Middleton wrote, "Marriage in Lugbara was marked by the transfer of bridewealth from the minimal lineage of the bridegroom to that of the bride. By the rules of exogamy that regulated the choice of a wife, a man might not marry a woman of his own clan. Nor might he marry into the major lineage of his mother, this prohibition was inherited for three generations. The range of permitted marriage was not the same as that of permitted sexual relations... The word for 'to marry' is 'je', the same word used to mean 'buy', 'exchange' or 'barter'. It shouldn't be translated as 'to buy' in this context for the simple reason that this translation refers only to the modern economic activity of purchase with money which was not traditional... There were then about seven head of cattle which represented the procreative power of the woman. The 'cattle' might in fact be goats and even money, bicycles and other goods were known to be transferred instead although this was unusual and thought improper... Arrows were also transferred. They were a form of currency for use in certain situations of which this was one. Several hundred arrows were collected from both the father's and mother's kin of the groom and handed over to the bride's father who in turn distributed them among her kin. The transfer of arrows marked the establishment of the ties of affinity between the two lineages. Finally, there were gifts of beer given to the girl's mother to recompense her for the loss of her daughter, to heal her grief and also to enable her to get a substitute for a few days to help in the home..." There is so much he wrote I should not copy every word here for rights infringement reasons. Otherwise, you can buy the whole book and read...
During the 1960s, John Middleton wrote extensively about "The Lugbara of Uganda". In the Chapter on 'Marriage and Exogamy', Middleton wrote, "Marriage in Lugbara was marked by the transfer of bridewealth from the minimal lineage of the bridegroom to that of the bride. By the rules of exogamy that regulated the choice of a wife, a man might not marry a woman of his own clan. Nor might he marry into the major lineage of his mother, this prohibition was inherited for three generations. The range of permitted marriage was not the same as that of permitted sexual relations... The word for 'to marry' is 'je', the same word used to mean 'buy', 'exchange' or 'barter'. It shouldn't be translated as 'to buy' in this context for the simple reason that this translation refers only to the modern economic activity of purchase with money which was not traditional... There were then about seven head of cattle which represented the procreative power of the woman. The 'cattle' might in fact be goats and even money, bicycles and other goods were known to be transferred instead although this was unusual and thought improper... Arrows were also transferred. They were a form of currency for use in certain situations of which this was one. Several hundred arrows were collected from both the father's and mother's kin of the groom and handed over to the bride's father who in turn distributed them among her kin. The transfer of arrows marked the establishment of the ties of affinity between the two lineages. Finally, there were gifts of beer given to the girl's mother to recompense her for the loss of her daughter, to heal her grief and also to enable her to get a substitute for a few days to help in the home..." There is so much he wrote I should not copy every word here for rights infringement reasons. Otherwise, you can buy the whole book and read...
Aje [Lugbara Marriage]
After negotiations between both families about the amount of bridewealth to be given (whether in form of cash, cattle or other items), a day is set for the Introduction. Today, most ceremonies are held in the afternoon at a location chosen by the woman's parents, usually their home. The woman's family waits for the male's side to make a ribbon cutting entry and sit on the opposite side facing them. The Master of Ceremony directs the events as scheduled with intervals of music performed live by a choir, band or electronic DJ. One of those events is a mock-test for the prospective Son-in-Law to choose his partner from a group of very cute and elegantly clad girls who receive gifts like money in envelopes. They could even be as many as 20 though less than 10 is cumbersome and more time saving. The boy's aunt (whom Baganda call Senga, Uncle is a Koja) gives a basketful of flowers to the selected girl. There are speeches and prayers from various individuals before food is served and the cake cut. For certain families, too much excitement by In-Laws is considered ashaming yet happiness is like alcohol for some folks; It makes them lose inhibitions and the anxiety of what people will say. Marriage for most people happens once so should be enjoyed to the maximum but at Introductions, it is preferred that people celebrate after the ring is fixed on the lady's finger and the dance floor is opened by the couple. Meetings are usually held months before the 'Aje' (Lugbara for Price, Cost or Purchase Sale) to ensure it is a success: When you go to a market or shop, you must ask for a price; that is what happens in Aje. Fundraising for brideprice during preparatory meetings can involve the American style auctioning of a valuable item. Also, those attending may be asked to pay for the seat they choose or buy food and a soda. Those dressed in dur bar (coats) may also be challenged to defend their suits. Latecomers are also charged. Some people hold Evaluation meetings after the Introduction to see how everything went and if possible avoid whatever mishaps happened. A day may also be set for the final Marriage or Christian Wedding which is usually communal though private gatherings can also be arranged which happened during the Covid-19 lockdowns. Yamari is a Lugbara ceremony where families slaughter animals and feast the whole day, replaced today by introduction or wedding receptions like in Bantuland...
According to Simon Drapari in his book that wonderfully demystifies the lies about Yole Clan who originated from Ethiopia, intermarriages between clan members are strictly forbidden and can bring a curse that requires cleansing especially after a child is born... A widow has a right to choose whom to marry after her husband departs from the Earth...
Richard Of Yumbe Gave Stela Beautiful Pearls (ROYGSBP) is a phrase I coined to remember the correct order of rainbow colours: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Skyblue, Blue, Purple. It pays tribute to two Lugbara lovers who do not believe in homosexuality which is totally devilish and not Lugbara at all from Aringa and Madi Moyo through Maracha, Terego, Ayivu, Vurra to Madi Okollo and beyond; gay coupling is not marriage even if the Anglican Church of England allowed priests to bless same-sex unions...
According to one Lugbara old man, bridewealth in pre-colonial times used to be arrows, then it shifted to chicken, goats and then cows. Some modern-day Lugbara only pay millions of money as animals...
It would be very nice if the standard minimum bridewealth was a goat; at least it's affordable and around 2017 matched the 50 shekels of silver levied in the Bible and paid to the woman's father (Deuteronomy 22:29) at about 14 US Dollars. Judah pledged to his daughter-in-law Tamar a goat (in Genesis 38:17) when she disguised herself as a prostitute and became the mama of his twins. Abraham's servant sent to look for Isaac's wife put a gold nose-ring weighing a beka (about 5.7 grams) on Rebekah and two gold bracelets weighing 10 shekels (115 grams) on her arms; then bowed down and worshipped the LORD...
Arabs can marry their cousins and according to John Middleton, the Lugbara used to allow it up to the 10th generation even though it was later discontinued. Mothers in Arabia can also choose wives for their sons, just like booking from childhood in a Lugbara culture called "tying the legs"...
Emmanuel Bada Dravu, the Oyavu Subclan leader in Ayivu, disclosed during (Westnile TV's) Lugbara Ma A'bi program entitled "Mali Lugbara Ma Aje Veleri" on Friday 5th May 2023 that in Lugbara culture, the father of the groom chooses the bride from a respectable family and pays bridewealth for his son's first marriage; it includes clothes, footwear, hoes, brooms, cows (for her clan to eat as jotile, katile, ali and avuta plus ndu a'buma for 2nd time marriage) or goats (kayi). In some places, ti ago [bull] is worth ndri towi [five goats]. Today, couples find themselves in school, the market, church, workplace and discos. In this case, a letter is supposed to be written and a chicken or sheep exchanged to cleanse the dirty hands before mali takes its place. For the poor [alio 'ba] who can still afford to dig hard and sell their crops, bridewealth is accepted in installments though problems like sicknesses, accidents or death can attack the family they create. The father of the bride can also take Yamari as gratitude to the groom's clan like the introduction in other cultures; it shouldn't be extravagant. Other payments include nguku soma for telling lies about a partner just like Deuteronomy 22:19...
Love is free, but marriage is about wealth, sex and children.
(This post is dedicated to the amazing Lugbara-ganda named Asher Bania (aka Faith) who worked at Orient Bank Arua until March 2022 plus many other people not listed who asked me questions about my culture)
